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How to Redefine Loss

By Akosua Dardaine Edwards /

“Rather than think about what you have to do to change a situation, consider what the situation might be doing to change you. How it might be seasoning and transforming and growing you. You are not responsible for everything and everyone. Allow that as a possibility”.Jessica Dore

Shift the Familiar

There are some stressful situations that are simply in your life to show you how to shift, how to be flexible, how to grow, how to let go, and how to transform. You long for change, yet you cling so hard to what’s familiar because you are so afraid of what you think you will lose. You are even afraid to lose the things you don’t want, as the familiar becomes your family, regardless of what it is.

So, let us redefine “loss” to “letting go”.

Reframing Possibility around Loss

What if we redefine losing as letting go of control. I redefine loss as opening up to a new possibility: the possibility of change, of newness, of doing things differently. Even the possibility of possibility itself.

Reframing how we perceive a situation can make much of a difference. The choice to reframe, however, does not come easily. It takes work to connect and reconnect with ourselves, our intuition, and our courage. The work must begin with an awareness and the asking of empowering questions.

When we are under siege by what we think are worst-case scenarios, we tend to ask questions that are debilitating.

  • Why me?
  • What’s wrong?
  • Who’s to blame?
  • Whose fault is this?

These questions usually don’t assist us. Instead, they pull us down the rabbit hole of negativity, fear, doubt, and worry; all of which many people have perfected. And as they fall further and further into the quagmire, their worry, doubt, and fear become bigger.

Changing the perspective of loss

We want to be asking different types of questions.

  • What am I learning?
  • How can I learn from this?
  • What am I feeling?
  • What kind of person do I want to be?
  • How do I want to show up?
  • What is my intuition telling me?

The still small voice will emerge when you ask empowering questions

Woman sitting on the ground, contemplating her loss..

The day I stopped saying that I lost my house, lost my marriage, lost my mind, things shifted for me. But the shift has to start from the inside, by becoming more aware of our old habits and patterns. How we define and relate to the circumstances in our lives transforms how we act.

How to Let Go

I started asking myself different and more empowering questions as I found that asking different questions produced different answers. The key question was,

Am I willing to see this differently? How can I see this differently?

That became the shift.

It is still painful, challenging, and feels shitty at times to face up to change, differences and the missteps made. However, along the way, I have learned that all of those feelings are valid, and are teaching me something.

Share with me your redefinition of “loss”.


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